Learn to be a Pimp

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As the wise man Ice Cube once said, Pimpin' ain't easy but its necessary, so I chase bitches like Tom chases Jerry. The art and style of being a pimp has been handed down from generation to generation. Grandfather pimps have passed down their wisdom from their years in dealing with the hoe's and the johns. The question for wanna be pimp's though is this: If my family doesn't have a rich legacy in pimping the bitches how does one go about breaking into the business? Have no fear, with the help of this guide you will have your ladies turning tricks in no time!


Get the Right Stuff

Be Sure to have the Right Threads

The secret to success is to look the part and being a pimp is no different. You have to have the pants, the hat, the cane and enough bling to blind your enemys as they try to shoot at you. A great website has come about which offers a one stop shop for wanna be pimps. At Pimp Hats you can supply all your pimping needs. They have Hats, Pimp Suits, Canes, Bling of all kinds and All kinds of Pimp Shoes. It is important to have the proper threads, everyone wants to be respected by their peers, and nothing would be worse than having your fellow pimps look down on you. When you get dressed in the morning you have to look like it was born on ya! It has to look like you got up that morning and slapped the nanny, told her to go get ya kids up. Note: It is important to be sure that you get a good and solid pimp cane. Circumstances will inevitably arise where you will have to smack one of your hoes or john's and you don't want to suffer the embarrassment of having a broken cane.

Get a Gun

As a pimp you really have two options when it comes to carrying a piece. The first is your good old classic 9mm. A 9mm will get the job done and is easy to conceal. The weapon can be purchased at a cheap price and ammo is available just about every where you look. The 9mm is a good, light weight weapon that you will probably want to keep on you at all times.

Your other major option for a gun is Dirty Harry's weapon, a 44 magnum. The major advantages of a of a 44 are the same as its major disadvantages. The best reason to buy a magnum is the fact that it will literally scare the shit out of those who attempt to oppose you, like that local pimp who is trying to etch out some of your market when he sees you pull that thing out of your coat. Also the sound is a big benefit. After you smoke one of his bitches who ended up on your turf with your peacemaker, he'll know it's you and probably think twice before coming near you. The problem with the gun is that its heavy and bulky and can be a pain when you're trying to run from the police.

You will probably also want to have a shotgun and an Uzi lying around your pad just in case you have to go clean the streets for fight in a turf war. Try not to skimp on the hardware when buying the Uzi. Vinnie down the street may have a really good deal, but make sure you find out how well the previous owner cleaned it and got the blood out. It really sucks to give a nice long big speech before you ice someone and then when it comes time to pull the trigger the gun sticks. So, buyer beware.

The most important thing about the gun is that it looks impressive. Go for chrome plated, maybe even a mother-of-pearl grip. A grip like that really stands out when you have it stuck in the front of your belt. If you really representin', get a gold-plated Colt .45. The Colt has a big, scary hole in the front of it, and the gold will match your gold front teeth. You do have gold front teeth, right?

When you're pointing your gun at somebody, make sure you hold it sideways. This is very "fly," and will impress everybody. Everybody knows that sideways is the coolest way to hold a gun. Never mind that you'll never actually hit a target shooting that way. Aiming is for chumps, cops, and other non-pimps. Fuck aimin'—you a pimp!

Get yo'self some bitches

Now obviously having bitches to hit the streets for you is of the utmost importance. Getting these girls however is not exactly the easiest job in the world. It may surprise you to learn that some girls are rather reluctant about getting out there and turning tricks. There are a number of paths to getting yourself a good supply of ladies, which one is for you is dependent on your personality and style of business.

Take over another pimp's territory

Doctors rarely start their own practices, same with dentists. They usually buy out another previously established pratice and go from there. Why should pimping be any different? Instead of buying out another pimp you simply take him out. Here is where your shotgun and Uzi come into play. The proper etiquette is to provide the rival pimp with the opportunity to get out of town. He will never take you up on this, but it is at least proper to ask. After he refuses, do with him what you will, just remember that you're going to want to use that office in the future and huge remodeling costs will really eat into your operational costs.

Charm yo ho's

The most effective weapon in a pimp's arsenal is his personality. Why is Snoop Dog considered a pimp-- blessed by the Bishop Don "Magic" Juan, an ex-pimp himself? He perfected the pimp mannerisms; he had game. Ho's are never taken. They give themselves to a pimp. The process is called "choosing." A ho chooses her pimp, or the pimp needs to walk away. Only a chump gets mad at his ho because she wants to leave him, or the game-- a real pimp let's the ho go, after she gives up the dough. In all relationships, the most reptilian, soulless partner will be the more dominant. Why? Because they don't care and the other person does. The pimp makes no compromise and for the pimp's respect, or affection, the ho must give up herself totally. It takes charm to achieve this effect-- a mix of dominance, style and psychological acumen. A pimp must learn a ho through and through, to know what buttons make her wet and what wet's her cheek with tears.

Break a ho down

If you can not get a ho to choose you, you might have to find a woman, and break her down into a ho. The process is a stripping away of the woman's ego, a cultivation of her dependency and need, until she is nothing but a ho, willing to sell herself to a pimp for affection and security. Begin by letting the ho know, from the beginning, that you don't, and will likely never, love her. If she stays, she's got a weakness for you: pimps exploit all weakness. The ho must be isolated from everyone who would speak ill of the pimp; the pimp must mold the ho's language, so force her to use YOUR words. Call her Philly and make her call herself YOUR philly. Have her call tricks Bo Bos. Create unique phrases, use them, and induce her to use them too. This is a process of programming the mind, introducing strings which will corrupt and mold the whole. The ho should be taken away from her familiar life, shipped out to friend's houses in other states; taken to rich places and nice resturants and all the while she must be SHOWN she is inferior to the pimp and that if the pimp takes his hand away, the ho will have nothing. Take her somewhere and threaten to leave her if she disobeys a particularly nasty order, like licking the pimp's asshole. If she disobeys, let her go: pimps don't chase. After the ho obeys enough of the pimps orders to know her place, enough of a routine is established, the ho needs to be broken further: subject her to psychological abuse. Fuck other girls in front of her, then force her to join in. Break down her ego. Make her cry at least once a day, then give her a little affection and sugar when she's subdued enough. When she is so broken down, isolated and friendless, you may or may not introduce hard drugs. If your game is tight, drugs may not be necessary. Finally, have her suck a friend's dick. When she's socking dick, under the pimp's supervision, she is suffiently broken to be given official Ho status. The rest is upkeep. Keep her broken. But keep in her need, above all else: needing your money, your security and most of all, your attention.

Get into drugs

Get a couple of pounds of blow and keep it tucked away. As you start to build a clientelle keep an eye on who really seems to need it. Eventually they won't be able to pay you for their nose candy fix, this is where you get them. Tell them that if they want some of the pure white snow they are going to have to hit the streets. If they refuse, feel free to slap them until they say yes. Keep this up until you have yourself a full cast of ladies to do the job for you.

Keep an eye out for troubled Teens

Often times the best tricksters start out as troubled teens. Keep an eye out for these girls, they are like finding gold. If you can find a troubled girl and take her under your wing you will have created a loyal lady who stay by your side. The best places to look for these girls are battered teen shelters and runaway shelters.

Tips

Remember the golden rule, spare the cane, spoil the child. This rule is no different when it comes to keeping your bitches in line. If they think you are soft or not willing to really let them have it, they will become disobedient and hard to manage. However, keep in mind that you have to walk a fine line. If you are too rough, a ho will either be taken from the streets, or may buck the too-harsh treatment. Some pimps never need to lay a hand on their ho's: such is the power of their game.